Dear Families,
Mrs. Ramsey always jokes that Santa brings hormones for Christmas in sixth grade. They might have come a little earlier this year, but it seems time to fill families in on what’s happening on the social scene in sixth grade, in case you aren’t aware.
Dating always comes up in sixth grade classes. It is a normal developmental stage. However, this year the pressure to date and related issues seem a little more intense than usual. Though not all sixth graders are dating, “dating” does seem to be the in-thing. What does that mean in sixth grade? According to some sixth graders we’ve heard from, it means you ask someone out and they agree. Then you have a girlfriend/boyfriend. This may just be a verbal agreement, although sometimes kids may do activities like go ice skating together.
In any case, the pressure to be “dating” has created both some anxiety as well as some conflicts that bring emotional roller coasters. Kids may feel intense anger, sadness or guilt at having “broken up”, They may be angry that someone is “cheating” on them (when in reality the child just didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings and said yes to two people.) Then there’s the potential fear of being “abnormal” if a child is not interested in dating yet. This emotional roller coaster can, at times, interfere with being ready to learn in the classroom.
This web post may be a doorway for you to begin a conversation about relationships and dating with your child as they (or at least their peers) are certainly already experimenting with what that means. Each family has different expectations/rules and it is important to share this with your child and help him/her feel comfortable talking about this topic with an adult. Building this trust now will not only give them strategies and support as they navigate the sixth grade social scene, but also make it easier to talk to you when they are older and have more serious but related issues to discuss.
Here are some ideas you may want to try:
Be a listener first. Find out their perspective/feelings and validate their feelings. Kids will be more likely to share again if they feel understood and heard. Ask questions before judging/setting down rules for your child.
Share your own experiences and add humor. When was your first crush? What happened? Add in some humor (nothing like a laugh to ease the tension of a potentially sensitive subject). Knowing that you went through this too will make it easier for them to share with you.
Share your philosophy/expectations for your child on dating. Remember you don’t need to have the same rules as other families. Parents, just like kids, can feel pressured to “do what everyone else is doing.” Reassure your child that it is fine if they are not interested in dating yet. Kids mature at different rates. Also emphasize that being friends with someone of the opposite gender does not mean that you like them romantically.
Help your child brainstorm or role play responses for situations they are finding difficult. This will depend on your family’s rules: how to say no kindly to someone, how to respond to pressure to share who they like with a friend, how to share that they aren’t allowed to date yet, how to respond if someone says no or dates someone else, how to break up, etc.
Talking with your 6th grader about respecting other people's feelings regarding dating and "liking" someone is really important to maintaining the classroom community and we appreciate you taking the time to do this. Please let us know if you learn anything in the course of your conversations that might be important for us to know at school as we deal with the whole group.
Thanks again!
Laura White & Tina Ramsey
Dear Families,
Mrs. Ramsey always jokes that Santa brings hormones for Christmas in sixth grade. They might have come a little earlier this year, but it seems time to fill families in on what’s happening on the social scene in sixth grade, in case you aren’t aware.
Dating always comes up in sixth grade classes. It is a normal developmental stage. However, this year the pressure to date and related issues seem a little more intense than usual. Though not all sixth graders are dating, “dating” does seem to be the in-thing. What does that mean in sixth grade? According to some sixth graders we’ve heard from, it means you ask someone out and they agree. Then you have a girlfriend/boyfriend. This may just be a verbal agreement, although sometimes kids may do activities like go ice skating together.
In any case, the pressure to be “dating” has created both some anxiety as well as some conflicts that bring emotional roller coasters. Kids may feel intense anger, sadness or guilt at having “broken up”, They may be angry that someone is “cheating” on them (when in reality the child just didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings and said yes to two people.) Then there’s the potential fear of being “abnormal” if a child is not interested in dating yet. This emotional roller coaster can, at times, interfere with being ready to learn in the classroom.
This web post may be a doorway for you to begin a conversation about relationships and dating with your child as they (or at least their peers) are certainly already experimenting with what that means. Each family has different expectations/rules and it is important to share this with your child and help him/her feel comfortable talking about this topic with an adult. Building this trust now will not only give them strategies and support as they navigate the sixth grade social scene, but also make it easier to talk to you when they are older and have more serious but related issues to discuss.
Here are some ideas you may want to try:
Be a listener first. Find out their perspective/feelings and validate their feelings. Kids will be more likely to share again if they feel understood and heard. Ask questions before judging/setting down rules for your child.
- “The teachers sent an email out that there’s a lot of dating going on in sixth grade. Are you noticing the same thing?”
- What does dating mean in sixth grade?
- How does all the talk about dating make you feel?
- Is there pressure to be dating?
- What is hard for you about the dating happening?
- How can I help?
Share your own experiences and add humor. When was your first crush? What happened? Add in some humor (nothing like a laugh to ease the tension of a potentially sensitive subject). Knowing that you went through this too will make it easier for them to share with you.
Share your philosophy/expectations for your child on dating. Remember you don’t need to have the same rules as other families. Parents, just like kids, can feel pressured to “do what everyone else is doing.” Reassure your child that it is fine if they are not interested in dating yet. Kids mature at different rates. Also emphasize that being friends with someone of the opposite gender does not mean that you like them romantically.
Help your child brainstorm or role play responses for situations they are finding difficult. This will depend on your family’s rules: how to say no kindly to someone, how to respond to pressure to share who they like with a friend, how to share that they aren’t allowed to date yet, how to respond if someone says no or dates someone else, how to break up, etc.
Talking with your 6th grader about respecting other people's feelings regarding dating and "liking" someone is really important to maintaining the classroom community and we appreciate you taking the time to do this. Please let us know if you learn anything in the course of your conversations that might be important for us to know at school as we deal with the whole group.
Thanks again!
Laura White & Tina Ramsey